It’s hard to believe it’s been seven years since I first stepped foot on the stage of BET’s Sunday Best Season 2. It seems like yesterday when I received the call that I made it through the auditions and was on my way to Atlanta to compete nationally. As I look at how far I’ve come, and how different I am now from the girl that stood on that stage, it reminds me just how long it’s been and how much I’ve grown in my music ministry and as a woman.
I was afraid then and I struggled to function amongst all of the new people that were in my space. It was difficult for me to be in a new environment away from the things that made me feel safe because I was holding a big secret. The whole time I was hiding that I suffered from social anxiety disorder.
As a woman of faith, it was difficult to talk about suffering from this disorder because I thought the non-believer would think my God wasn’t real because he couldn’t or wouldn’t heal me and that other Christians would tell me to pray about it because it’s the devil. Even now, as a mom, it’s scary when I have a panic attack as it causes me not to think clearly. During those moments, it’s easy for me to slip into a space where I have to shut myself off from my son because I’m too overwhelmed.
These days I have to push myself to keep from focusing on the negative side effects of my condition. I spend every day educating my son about it and incorporating it into my testimony to show people that as a Christian it doesn’t make you spotless, but instead it makes you the perfect vessel for God to fill.