I finally voiced out my feelings.

It had taken me two years and some months to finally open up and when I did, I felt liberated.

Free.


Like a burden had finally disappeared.

Let me digress a little; if you like someone and you’ve not come out to say how you truly feel, my brothers and sisters in the lord, ya suffering yaseff. You know this, you know I’m saying the truth.

Moving on, my joy was short lived. “My heartthrob”told me to my ears (we were talking on the phone because we were far from each other) that someone else had caught her fancy. It was the day after Christmas – Boxing day and I was boxed in the guts.

I was pained. I felt the polite rejection on a spiritual level. I got up and locked myself up in the rest room and bawled my eyes out. I cried because I had lost someone to another person. Someone who knew my heartthrob well; well enough for her to notice him, well enough to make her consider a future with this person… This my rival!

Ha! I cried o.

I was miserable for the rest of that day. When evening came, I took a stroll to the supermarket in my axis and got two buckets of ice-cream, a bottle of wine (non-alcoholic o. I can’t even hold my liquor, so why immerse myself in misery and hangover?), and some chocolate bars. It was that bad. Too much romcom is bad, I realized many hours later.

I downed a bucket of ice-cream while listening to sappy love songs from my favorite artistes. I called my closest friend to explain my situation to her and she didn’t disappoint, she pumped my ego so well that I felt immediately better. That girl takes her job as my best friend seriously.

I finally freshened up and turned in for the night. While saying my prayers, I realized what Jesus must have gone through every time I strayed. I mean, I realized Jesus must have heartbroken every time I found solace in the cares, validation and things of the world. I’ve broken his heart more times than I can count. Although, I’ve never seen him face-to-face, I feel he might have shed a tear or two for rejecting him.

After saying my prayer, I apologized to Jesus for putting him through incessant heartbreaks and looking elsewhere to find solace.

I’m certain he accepted my apology.

Why not make a decision not to break Jesus’ heart again?
Why not let him know you’re truly sorry?
Why not apologize to him?
Why not let him be your friend again?

He loves you, you know that?
Why not let him show you what love truly is, what loving you can be like?

Why not just… Let him in?

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