Generally, the first thing that comes to mind when we hear about domestic violence is that the act was committed on a woman or a child. People tend to forget that men can also be victims of domestic violence and this type of violence happens more often than we think.
I was chatting with a friend the other day and she mentioned her neighbor who has been abused several times by his wife. Yes… you read right, his wife. Now, it may seem odd that a man is chopping slaps from his wife and is not immediately giving her a double portion; however, it is only a real man that can walk away from such a scene without retaliating. Some women then take advantage of this, gather more liver and continue abusing their men.
Domestic violence against men is not as popular as violence on women and children and I think this is because most men who suffer this type of violence are often ashamed to mention it for fear of being seen as weaklings.
Domestic violence happens mostly within intimate relationships and it includes emotional, sexual, physical, psychological, spiritual abuse. Even the threat of abuse is an abuse on its own and these forms of violence are quite difficult to recognize. Some men are blessed with kicks, bites and punches from their women on a regular basis.
Just the other day, a man came home from church on a beautiful Sunday afternoon to see all of his clothes and worldly possessions in the garbage, all torn to pieces. Upon asking his wife, her seemingly justifiable reason was that he did not give her the N125,000 she requested for asoebi. Say what? Hian! And then she goes ahead to compare him to Rita’s husband who never hesitates to buy Rita anything she asks for.
When a woman continuously belittles her man, ridicules him or even compares him to his mates who seem to be doing better than him, it is a form of abuse and it eats at the man’s ego. And we all know how our men love their ego.
Some men are in abusive relationships but they don’t know it because the woman is so subtle about it and probably does not leave physical marks. If you find yourself in this type of relationship, it is important to know that you are not alone. Lots of men from all walks of life are going through same predicament. It is just unfortunate that the men are not very vocal about it and each person continues ‘suffering and smiling’.
The way some women are possessive over their men ehn … they won’t let their men hang out with friends or go watch a football match. A woman can go as far as seizing her man’s car keys or erecting herself by the doorway and daring the man to pass through her.
Other forms of abuse are where a woman manipulates her man into granting her wishes or goes about spreading negative rumours about him to his friends or even on social media. She might insinuate that her man beats her or does not provide for the family or that he is a ‘two-minute man’. She might also threaten to take the kids and disappear so that the man will not have any access to his kids. Women have also been known to drug their men or attack them in their sleep. If as a man, you are experiencing any of these, please get help fast.
Other forms of domestic violence against men are:
- Constant accusations of infidelity.
- Putting him down or insulting him.
- Seizing his medications as a form of threat.
- Forcing him to have sexual acts against his will.
- Trying to control what he wears, eats or how he spends his money.
- Verbally abusing him, be it in the presence of friends, colleagues or even within closed doors.
- Blaming the man for her violent actions or making him feel that he deserves such treatment.
This is not to give women ideas on how to abuse their men o. It is to create awareness that men also get abused and they also need to be protected. Men should be on the lookout to ensure that they are not in such a relationship otherwise it would shatter the man’s ego and leave him a shadow of himself.
It is sometimes difficult to understand why people stay in abusive relationships but anyone with a similar experience knows it is not very easy to leave. A man may choose to stay in an abusive relationship because of his religious beliefs, because of his kids or even because of the money he receives from his woman. It takes lots of guts to leave such a relationship.
Anyway, domestic violence against men is bad in its entirety but it is never advisable to retaliate. Rather it is best to leave the relationship before morale is destroyed. The man can also get legal aid or advice from a domestic violence program to preserve both health and sanity.